Friday, November 12, 2010

"I didn't notice the signs, you covered both of my eyes."


That title pretty much sums up my entire history with relationships. I seem to get lost in them. I seem to not see what's right in front of me. Of course it's easy to blame the other person and say they deceived me, and I'm positive that I HAVE been deceived before, but it's important for me to take responsibility as well.

Lately I've been trying to figure out why I'm so angry all the time. I haven't been in a real relationship in two years (and dont want to be in one now) but have I gotten too used to doing things myself? Have I become so jaded that something as simple as a compliment seems insincere to me? I dont feel like I'm holding onto any residual resentment but am I? Who do you talk to in order to get answers to these questions? lol.

I just know that I'm starting to go down a not-so-good emotional path. I've been coming home and sleeping and I've been feeling more stressed/emotional than normal lately. I just want to figure out whatever it is that's bothering me and deal with it so I can move on with life. lol.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Why I'm done hating Nicki Minaj...


So first, a brief history... when I first heard Nicki Minaj, it was some mixtape song called "Beef Stew". I thought it was cute. Nothing too sophisticated about it. Heard a few more songs of hers and wasn't too impressed. It was all very nursery school rhyming to me. The more I heard from her, the more I hated her. I kept WAITING and WAITING for a female vet (Foxy, Rah Digga, Eve...hell, even Krumbery Bones) to drop something to rock her simple, nursery school rhyming ass out of the water...and it never happened. lol. That bum bitch Keys tried to come for her in the Itty Bitty Piggy remake but once she dropped her own material, it was pretty clear that Keys would never be a contender.

Anyway, then she did the BET Cypher and KILLED it! I was back in her corner, expecting more stuff like that from her. Then she dropped "Massive Attack" and "Your Love" which made me hate her again. More stupid, elementary rap garbage. Then she did "Monster" and "Check It Out" which made me like her once more. Then the other day, "Romans Revenge" with Eminem leaked and upon liking it, I realized something. All the bitching and moaning that people (including me) have been doing about her is pretty irrelevant. She's the ONLY female in the rap game right now really doing anything. Sure, Rah Digga dropped an album last month that went triple gum wrapper (despite it being a pretty dope cd. Yes, I copped it.) but other females, at this point, have had MANY an oppurtunity to steal the spotlight back and yet, haven't. Foxy is busy holding down the fort at Popeye's, Eve is off being Hollywood somewhere and Krumberly is just...praying to stay half relevant (I have never liked her so you won't find me saying anything nice about her...ever).

and speaking of Krumberly Bones...what a joke. She made all that noise about Nicki not paying homage, talked shit in all kinds of interviews, even did some promo tour (for what?) and never bothered to drop a single, hop on a remix or anything. So my ENTIRE point is this. If you dont like Nicki Minaj, that's fine. But at least respect her hustle. No other female has bothered to try and steal her shine so just let her have her moment.

and yes, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for Foxy to put down the two piece and Remy to make early parole.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Friday, September 10, 2010

You can do it put your back into it...


So this entry shall be about work ethic. lol.

Now I realize that yes, I do work two jobs and no, I do not work particularly hard at one of them but that's a whole other blog entry for another day. My point is that yes, I'm aware that I'm sitting inside my glass house and I'm about to throw a stone...or ten. haha.

So I was on the Twitter on the train ride home after the work day from HELL today only to see this...buffoon in my timeline complaining, yet again, about this, that and the third, though none of it was very important. I'd been following this person for awhile, and him following me, and I wasn't sure WHY I was but a lot of the people I follow that I enjoy also follow this person. Every once in awhile he'd tweet something humorous but I didn't really get the allure...I digress. Now I know this person doesn't have a job. We had a conversation via IM about how he'd been out of work for awhile, I tried my best to listen and offer simple suggestions he could use to twerk his resume, etc. I could tell it went in one ear and out the other, which was frustrating because as a person who's been working two jobs simultaneously for the last 2.5 years, I clearly know what I'm talking about. lol.

So anyway, he was going off on some tangent and I had this...epiphany, I guess...which I'm sure y'all will find controversial and I'll be a bigger asshole that I already am...blah blah blah. what else is new? lol

I realized that I definitely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt in my mind did.not.care. what his thoughts,views,opinions were...on anything. I didn't care about his crappy, amateur poetry or his stupid youtube channel. His whole existence had no meaning to me, it held no weight. See, I'm a firm believer in hard work. If you're not waking up every morning, going to work and contributing to something, then you don't...matter. It's like people who bitch and complain about politics/politians but don't vote. If you don't vote, shut the fuck you: your opinion doesn't matter.

I think that's a HUGE problem that we have in today's society. We all think we have a voice and an opinion that matters and needs to be publicized. Hell, even what I'm doing here doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. But my ass wakes up 6:34am every day and goes to work, so I feel like that justifies my online ramblings.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to share.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

So it's been awhile...


I feel like for every stride I make, I take two strides back. lol.

I also feel overwhelmed with what I should write here since sort of a lot has happened since my last entry...

Work is...ok. I'm feeling very burned out these days. I've definitely lost a lot zest for life. I feel like a mouse in a wheel, just pointlessly running in place 7 days a week. I'm not making very good money and I'm not really enjoying much out of life. lol. I need a vacation and a change. which brings me to...

So I think I'll be moving back home for a bit once the lease is up here. I feel like it may be good to clean my slate, save up some money and figure out what my plan is in a safe space. I wont have to worry about anything, really...and maybe I can FINALLY get rid of some of the lingering feelings I've been having towards my roomate (which really covers the gamut of emotions). It will definitely be stressful in other ways, like being a 28 yr old man who will now be living with his parents in the middle of nowhere, but ultimately I think I'll be able to give more focus to my health/fitness and save some serious cash. I get really sad when I think about giving up my independance, losing the conveinance of the city and well, missing Billy but I know it's a HUGE step in the right direction for now.

Lastly, I've been dating again! lol. I'm not going to dedicate any specific entries as I did previously but it seems promising. He's funny, he can hold a conversation and he's attractive, tho not what I usually go for. It will be interesting to see how things play out in regards to my future plans but i'm not going to give it too much thought at this point.

Friday, July 2, 2010

The art of demanding fairness...

So there has been so much drama with work lately. Throughout all the drama, one good thing managed to happen though...I got a promotion! My new position is a lot more stressful that my previous one but I LOVE it. It's a challenge everyday and it ultimately contributes to something that I want to contribute to for the rest of my life (free, easy access to knowledge for EVERYONE). So getting back to the workplace drama...there has been a huge pay discrepancy going on for everyone in our Boston branch. We've all been underpaid for quite some time now, due to our neglegant manager and FINALLY something has been done about it. I wont go into details but basically, each of us was given a small amount of retro active pay. None of this pay was close to what we should've received, so we've been going back and forth with management and such. The situation WILL be resolved soon, I hope, but that's not the point of this entry...

The point is that I had called my Father earlier to talk about the situation. I had the silly disposition thinking that he'd say the same thing everyone else I've talked to about this has said and been like "Well they need to pay you what you should be paid, fair is fair!". I work hard, I've earned my keep, now pay me accordingly. lol. Well, he basically told me that I'm foolish for rocking the boat so hard and I should just take whatever they're willing to give and be happy that I have a job at the end of the day. Now, if he were a man who had a solid career and did good work that he was proud of day in and day out, I might have respected his commentary and marinated on it. But that's not the case. lol. My Dad is one of those guys you can boss around all day long, make him do stuff that's nowhere in his job description, and then pay him as little as possible and he will say NOTHING. I am NOT my father. lol.

I wish that more people valued themselves and the work they do. Granted, what I do is not difficult in the way that I'm not doing any real physical labor and I'm not handling multi million dollar accounts but I'm great at what I do and I'm efficient at what I do. I should be paid accordingly. As long as I'm treated fairly, I'll continue to work hard. That's the bottom line...so stick that in your pipe and smoke it! LOL

Thursday, July 1, 2010

All the single ladies put ya hands up...


Relationships. We as a people put SO. MUCH. emphasis on relationships in life. Sometimes it makes me sad because it seems as if people don't value EVERYTHING else in life unless they have a boo. Now don't get it twisted: I definitely have my nights where I'd like nothing more than to lay my head on a nice, warm chest and feel some other mans arms down my back holding me close...and on those nights, I just pull my little Laqueesha tighter and drift back to sleep. Anyway...


Ya know how sometimes after a bad date or an unpleasant encounter, we tend to pop off about what's wrong with the OTHER person? That's easy. We can all point the finger and tell the next person what's wrong with them according to us...but how many of you can look in the mirror and point the finger at YOURSELF? I think that since I'm in my upper 20's (rapidly approaching 30, meeeeep!) Ive learned a few things, both about relationships and about myself and I have no problem pointing the finger at myself. Here a few things I can tell you about what's wrong with me...


1. I'm not so good outside of my comfort zone.

I'm really not. I hate surprises, I'm super awful with sugar coating things and I don't like fake pleasantries...which are 3 main components of dating. haha. I really do like things to be on my own terms. It gets considerably less severe the longer we get to know each other but from jump street I'm a real bitch to deal with. Most relationships (and this is both romantic and platonic) usually don't get very far into the honeymoon phase because of this. I'm set in my ways and I accept that.


2. I can't cook or drive.

I dont possess the patience or talent to be spending copious amounts of time slaving over a hot stove just to make a four star culinary fucking masterpiece. I'm a little selfish in the way that I'd rather spend my time doing other things. On the plus side, I'm a cleaner/organizer. I always tend to pick very messy, unorganized men for mates who enjoy cooking, so so far this hasn't held me back much in the dating world but I know that eventually it will. Every man wants to come home to a man that cooks. I'm so not that man. haha. As far as driving, it's never going to happen. I get distracted easy, I focus too much on not hitting other cars that I don't see stop signs and red lights. You can't talk to me if I'm driving. All the windows must be open regardless of weather and/or temperature. The radio cannot be above a whisper. I sweat and I get bitchy. And above all else, I am not legally registered to operate a motor vehicle in any of the 50 states of the continental United States of America and I firmly intend for it to stay that way until my passing. Accept it and move on upon meeting me.


3. I over-communicate...

Whenever a problem arises, I'm always the first to address it. I can be a bit of a nag. I'm always afraid that I'm not being heard/understood so I always make it a point to emphasize myself...redundantly...in an in-your-face sort of manner. I can be a little bossy because I tend to think my way is the best way.


4. ...but I hate talking on the phone.

I absolutely loathe talking on the phone. It's the most pointless thing in the world to me. I cant do other shit that I wanna do if I'm stuck holding a phone to my ear while you're on the other end yapping off about this, that and the third. I like to multi-task throughout my day and talking on the phone just slows me down. If it's important, feel free to call otherwise just send a text. I'm a HUGE texter. I can be cleaning the bathroom, singing a song and texting to 5 different people all at once and I wouldn't have it any other way.


5. I demand too much from people.

I demand too much from people. I expect people to always be upfront and honest with me and unfortunately that isn't how most people operate. It usually leaves me feeling let down and disrespected yet it's something I refuse to change about myself or work on. I expect people to treat me the way that I treat them. So if I'm out at a bar and I'm giving you special looks cuz I deem your behavior to be unecessary or extra, feel free to throw shade right back at me. I don't expect everyone to get along in life and it always annoys me when people DO expect that. I am an adult, however, and can respectfully wish for your vaporization from across the room without being classless and egregious.


6. I enjoy spending time with MYSELF.

I can be very selfish when it comes to how I spend my free time. I have my own set of interests. I dont have a ton of friends that I would want to spend a whole day with, so when I DO find one, I go all out...but it's so rare. I'd much rather be in bed reading or watching a movie on the couch than be in someone's club. I like to explore and not have to worry about the other person being as entertained as I am. Conversely, when I'm done with something I like to have the freedom to leave.


and probably the most important reason of all...


7. I'm not where I want to be/haven't figured out my lifes blueprint.

I have ridiculous amounts of debt. I work in a field I love but am not far enough up the ladder or payscale that I would like. I'm struggling with weight issues. I have an unconventional living situation. I have severe emotional baggage. All of these things GREATLY contribute to being in a healthy, functional, monogamous long term relationship. To further complicate things, I honestly don't know where I stand on marriage. I once thought I would be a perfect fit for marital bliss. After three failed, long term serious relationships and evalutating things, I'm not so sure it's for me anymore. I'm very guarded and I dont think I can see me giving 100% of myself to someone seriously enough to consider spending the rest of my life with them. People rush into things so quickly and give the lead to their emotions, myself included, and I'd rather hold out and go at a snails pace. It's hard to always stick to that standard and sometimes I settle. Until I figure out how to stay steadfast to that principle, it's probably best for me to avoid LTRs for the time being.


and now, I implore you to listen to the song below.







Tuesday, June 29, 2010

"I'll never be a pop star, I'm too raw"-The Dream


So the other day I read some quote which, to paraphrase, basically said "everything that can be said wasn't meant to be said and everything that can be put in print shouldn't be". I found it very interesting because we now live in this age where we all can say whatever we want about whatever we want, put it out into the universe and strangers (and low key stalkers and unwanted family members) can read it. Fun concept, right? Personally, I love it. There's nothing on here I wouldn't say in person. I don't front (and for those of you who follow me on Twitter), and I can be really vulgar and "extra" in person. I'm usually ruled by my emotions. Its not something I'm proud or ashamed of. It just is what it is. haha. I'm sure it dissappoints my Mom sometimes because she is the epitome of a classy lady but whatever. She gave me the tools, its my own fault for not using them. haha.


Anyway, my point of this blog was basically to pat myself on the back. I was involved in a conversation at work today where someone, a work "friend", showed me a private email from one of their family members. It expressed a view that I strongly agree with (I won't say what that view is...in this post, anyway) but based off of the tone my "friend" was using to showcase the email to me, I deduced that she did not agree. So, shock of shocks, I kept my mouth shut. The old me probably would have sounded off about this, that and the third and a great argument could've been had and rah rah rah. However, I realized silently that if I had expressed my opinion and we did have a discussion about it, it probably would've created an uncomfortable tension between us in our work environment.


Did I somehow cheat myself by remaining silent? Not at all. I think that in the proper venue, when you're in your OWN space and/or with people you feel comfortable around who KNOW you, you can feel free to speak your mind to its fullest extent. However, in life there will always be situations where the best thing is to be silent, nodd your head and smile. and I'm proud that I can now recognize the difference between the two situations.


I've always been a slow emotional grower so when I make a stride, I like to recognize it...and that's what I'm doing: in my blog, where I'm free to express my opinion and stroke my own ego. hahaha.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Butterflies...


So I don't know what's going on with me, really. I feel sort of apathetic to this whole situation between bi guy and I. (lol) On one hand, I like him and enjoy spending time with him. He's aggressive, he's funny, he's halfway intelligent. On the other hand...I'm just not feeling those butterflies. I don't really care about impressing him or anything like that. I only talk to him on the phone if he calls me. I usually only text him if he texts me. I only spend time with him if he asks (which has been an almost daily occurence for the last 9 days.


I'm just comparing him to my three previous relationships (which is maybe where I'm fucking up) and with those three guys, I can remember feeling butterflies and explosions and JOY! I WANTED to see them all the time, speak with them all the time, make them happy ALL THE TIME. So I don't know what my problem is. Could I just be so jaded and downtrodden with negative relationship experiences that I'm over it all? Or is he just not the right guy?


How the hell do you figure all this out anyway? lol. Do I need 1 800 Therapist for this? haha.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Bi Bi Baby...


So I met a guy. Now it's TOTALLY premature to be writing about him because we've only hung out twice...but premature is my nature. LOL. I have no idea where this is going to go, I don't have any preconceived notions about it. We have two things planned for this upcoming week so I'm just going to take it as it comes. I just know that I am resolving RIGHT NOW...IN THIS BLOG that I'm going to not have any airs or put on any show this time around. I'm just going to relax, be myself and deal with things as it comes. I'm never afraid to speak my mind in work related/friend situations but with relationships I always tend to take a heavy dose of chillax. lol.


So far, I haven't. I let him know upfront I have a 90 day rule before you see me in anything less than full attire (and that's a minimum) and don't even think about seeing my crib or any of that shit. Both times we met up, he was 15 minutes late so I let him know that my time is precious to me and not a commodity that I have much of so he needs to make a stronger effort to be on time. He doesn't have a cell phone, as he just moved here from NYC, and I let him know upfront that if dating is something we're going to try, he needs to get one. It may seem odd and demanding of me to say something like that upfront without even really knowing him but to me it's just something that isn't negotiable. If we're going to be making plans and what not, you need to be reachable. If I'm feeling some type of way and want to express that to you, you need to be available to receive such things. lol. If you're missing me, you should be able to send a text or a quick phone call to say so and likewise.


To me, it's sketchy that in the year 2010 you don't have a cell phone...which brings me to my next issue. He is bisexual. Now this may be an insecurity of mine, I'm not sure yet, but this puts me on edge. Obviously a female is not something I can compete with. I've had weird experiences in the past dating bisexual men. They tend to treat their men like females, which I don't like. The last guy I dated who was bisexual was constantly trying to exert his masculinity by buying me lots of shit, treating me to dinners and movies and museums, etc, carrying my bags and shit like that to prove that he was "the man". Now I'm not the epitomy of masculine by any means but I'm not some fairy queen either. I don't need you to have a pissing contest with me. Just be yourself and let me be me. So I guess I'm sort of bringing that baggage into this situation because I'm already seeing signs of that sort of behavior.


He's already talking about taking me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant and to the movies. I just think it's disingenuous to be tryna floss at this point in the "relationship". I'm probably over thinking it, which is another thing I do, but that doesn't fall in line with my way of thinking. I'm just thinking of having a good time, getting to know him and trying to do low key things that aren't extravegent or involve lots of money and preparation. I always try to make it a point to represent myself well and STRONGLY when I get to know someone in the romantic sense. Our first meeting, we spent 3.5 hours just talking and then our second meeting half that doing the same thing. I KNOW that I have done an amazing job of presenting myself accurately thus far. So i'm hoping his desire to be a little "extra", as I told him his nickname is gonna be, is just a part of his personality and not anything that's being conjured in an effort to impress me.


I'm very demanding and I dont like when I feel people are being disingenuous with me so I'm just hoping that within time over these next few days/weeks/months/whatever, I will see who he is as a person and it will align with how he's presented himself thus far.


Wish me luck y'all. This is my first big step back out into the dating pool. I don't wanna get swallowed up by a shark and shat back out into crappier waters. LOL. I also don't wanna be some DL's sidepiece. Homie don't play that shit.

Letting My Guard Down-A few words about myself...




So it's no secret for those that know me that my last relationship didn't end well. It happens, we all go through it. We think we've found "the one". We get happy, we get comfortable and then the rug is pulled out from under us. We give up on love, we go into our hole and we get bitter. Some stay in that state longer than others and one could probably argue that some people never emerge from that state. Then you start to get that itch...you start to think "Hey, I'm a pretty decent person. I've been hurt but lets grow from it"...You resolve to try again.

Well, after a slightly false start, I think I'm at the point where I want to try again. It's been a year and a half...I think I've learned what I needed to learn and I'm ready to apply it. lol. Im fairly certain it's coming from a good place because I feel confident in myself. I'm not desperate. I'm not lonely. I'm just feeling ready to share myself again with someone else...let some of the walls down. I've always been a very guarded person anyway but I don't want to be controlled by that anymore.

For awhile I felt myself getting bitter and jaded and falling into that line of thinking "Well they're all the same". The mere fact that I am (or at least how I perceive myself to be) different from how I see most of the guys around here just says that I can't be the only one.

I've always had a very negative view of the gay community. I think it's all smoke and mirrors and 9.9 times out of 10, the people most heavily involved in the scene are the most insecure, messed up people you'll ever come across in life...not to mention the fakest. It's not a healthy, warm, inviting community. So I tend to project that view onto most guys. Most of the time, I'm right. I'm not one for going to clubs hangin out with "the girls" "spilling the t" and shit like that. I'm much more low key. I'd rather have my ass on the couch watchin a movie on a Friday night (mostly because I've gotta get up on Saturday morning and work) than to be shakin it fast to some old queen singing the same one line 98908987 million times to a beat that sounds like tin cans with some bass thrown in.


Not. For. Me.


So this brings me to my next post...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A Moment, Please, for the Music Industry...

So basically I think the music industry is scum. lol. I'm SOOOOOOOOOO entirely SICK of hearing all these artists complaining about how their music is leaking and how much hard work and effort goes into producing a song/album/whatever. Well now call me silly but...AREN'T THEY RESPONSIBLE/IN CHARGE OF HANDLING THEIR OWN MUSIC?! They're the ones in the studio with the producers and engineers (and prob. about 15 ppl who are always in the room but no one can quite figure out why. I know this from personal experience). The drafts/final copies are burned onto a disc or emailed and saved onto the harddrive of whatever computer they're recorded on. So if the music is leaking, it's the artists/producer/engineers fault...not ours! Take your own music into your own hands and stop being lazy and leaving it up to other people. For YEARS this has been going on.

And I wish artists would STOP fucking putting all the garbage that leaks on official releases with minimal tweaks. Ciara and Toni Braxton are the two worst culprits I can think of for this. Ciara's "Fantasy Ride" album leaked mostly A FULL YEAR before she finally released it last March...with no new material. Toni Braxton's latest cd "Pulse" is another perfect example of this. That's just lazy and frankly, insulting to music buyers like me. I'll fully admit that I download EVERY SINGLE free song I can get my hands on by artists I like...but I'm also the first person to go to the store to buy official releases when they come out...provided they aren't garbage.

I also wish artists would stop trying to sell out for whatever the "in" sound is. Christina Aguilera is a good example for this. I think she's a dope artist. She oversings absolutely EVERYTHING but she can actually SING (which is SO rare) and she has a strong personality. However, she's probably the biggest copycat in the music industry. Her first album was that bubble gum pop that was popular at the time (a la Britney Spears/NYSNC, etc). Her second album was AMAZING but she made it known that she was working heavily with Linda Perry, who was being used HEAVILY by other artists before her and which caused Pink and Linda to stop speaking. Her third album was awful garbage but it capitalized off of the retro sound that was in heavy rotation. Now with "Bionic" she's capitalizing off of the Gaga momentum...and worse, her first two singles (which are awful in my opinion) she didn't even write. Both tracks are written by Esther Dean and produced by Polow Da Don (famous for leaking shit). To her credit, she USUALLY does put her own unique spin on things but her latest effort is just leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Her second single, "Woo Hoo" ft. Nicki (Garbage) Minaj, pisses me off particularly because I think it's sad to see a woman like Christina singing about her girly parts. That shit would've been cute on her second album but now that she's a grown woman and been in the business for so long, it's sad to see her resort to such obvious, overdone and very tired tactics. She needs to put her Woo Hoo back in her pants, stop dying that awful fried blond mop of hair and stop copying Madonna's videos and get back to SINGING.

I'm tired of people hearing that it's the masses who determine what's popular and what kind of music gets made, it's not. If enough artists stood up and did what they felt was good music and stopped trying to cater to 16 yr olds, enough people would react to quality music that it could still be a profitable, prospering business and people would WANT to buy cd's again instead of downloading it for free.

I'm just sayin though...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

a few words on immigrants/immigration

So Arizona has been in the news quite frequently lately for the new immigration laws they've passed. While I do NOT agree with certain aspects of it (civilian arrests now? REALLY though?!), I think it was certainly a step in the right direction. I think people who are here illegally have NO RIGHTS! I will say this until I'm blue in the face. Your ass should be deported back to wherever you came from. If you established roots here without bothering to become a legal citizen, that's your own problem and should have no effect on your outcome. I shouldn't have to pay for you to receive medical care or welfare or ANYTHING AT ALL! If my relatives could bother themselves to make the voyage here (which they did two generations ago) and become legal, productive citizens of the United States of America, then SO CAN YOU! Yes, I agree that these Arizona laws (lol) aren't pleasant, and probably NOT the best way to remedy the situation but it's a step in the right direction. Ridding the country of illegal immigrants isn't going to be a happy, pleasant experience and I'm sure that some peoples civil liberties will be infringed upon on the way but there is NO perfect solution. In order to acheive great things, great sacrifices must be made.

I'm sure this seems a bit pompous because I AM a citizen and my parents were born here but like I previously stated, my Grandparents emiggrated (sp) here from Armenia and Sweden, respectively, and became legal citizens. There's no reason why Mexicans (and any other group of people for that matter) cant be bothered to do the same. Frankly, I don't even think the process of the "anchor baby" should be adhered to anymore either. Rules and regulations are put in place for a reason and to get to the RIGHT solution, we have to start somewhere!

You make me wanna shout, make me wanna scream, make me wanna throw my hands up!

So the following are some of my biggest pet peeves...ever. Do any of them and you're bound to make my blood boil. There are, of course, a few exceptions.

-the word "purchase" and people who use it.
-Bluetooths
-people who wear sunglasses in the club/at night
-people who wear colored contacts
-people who talk loudly on their cellphones in public areas
-people who wear extra large or extra small clothing
-black pants with brown shoes or vice versa
-unecessary messiness
-people who don't have their money/credit card readily available when they get to the counter (paying for shit shouldn't be a surprise and I shouldn't have to wait forever for you to figure out how you're paying for your "purchase"). LOL
-Slow drivers (tho I do not drive, so I shouldn't complain)
-people who consistently play the race card.
-Ed Hardy anything (except undies. I like the undies.)

These are just a few, I'm sure I'll add more later.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The fire is strong inside...

Today brought me across one of the BEST quotes I've ever read. Enjoy ;)

"I should like to see any power of the world destory this race, this small tribe of unimportant people whose wars have all been fought and lost, whose structures have crumbled, literature is unread, music is unheard and prayers are no more answered. Go ahead, destroy Armenia. See if you can do it. Send them into the desert without bread or water. Burn their homes and churches. Then see if they will not laugh, sing and pray again. For when two of them meet anywhere in the world, see if they will not create a new Armenia." -William Saroyan

The 95th Anniversary of The Armenian Genocide...

I was just simply going to put up a picture of the Armenian flag and leave the title as it was and be done with it. If you want to know more about the Genocide, you can easily google that shit. I'm tired of preaching to ignoramases about something they could've googled and read about in the time it takes them to ask me and then wait for my response. However, I got an email from an organization I'm part of with Obama's press statement about today and it pissed me off. I personally think Obama is a HUGE douchelord ANYWAY but this certainly added to it. I present you with the following press release:

#####

THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Press Secretary
___________________________________________________________________

For Immediate Release
April 24, 2010

Statement of President Barack Obama on Armenian Remembrance Day On this solemn day of remembrance, we pause to recall that ninety-five years ago one of the worst atrocities of the 20th century began. In that dark moment of history, 1.5 million Armenians were massacred or marched to their death in the final days of the Ottoman Empire.

Today is a day to reflect upon and draw lessons from these terrible events. I have consistently stated my own view of what occurred in 1915, and my view of that history has not changed. It is in all of our interest to see the achievement a full, frank and just acknowledgment of the facts. The Meds Yeghern is a devastating chapter in the history of the Armenian people, and we must keep its memory alive in honor of those who were murdered and so that we do not repeat the grave mistakes of the past. I salute the Turks who saved Armenians in 1915 and am encouraged by the dialogue among Turks and Armenians, and within Turkey itself, regarding this painful history. Together, the Turkish and Armenian people will be stronger as they acknowledge their common history and recognize their common humanity.

Even as we confront the inhumanity of 1915, we also are inspired by the remarkable spirit of the Armenian people. While nothing can bring back those who were killed in the Meds Yeghern, the contributions that Armenians have made around the world over the last ninety-five years stand as a testament to the strength, tenacity and courage of the Armenian people. The indomitable spirit of the Armenian people is a lasting triumph over those who set out to destroy them. Many Armenians came to the United States as survivors of the horrors of 1915. Over the generations Americans of Armenian descent have richened our communities, spurred our economy, and strengthened our democracy. The strong traditions and culture of Armenians also became the foundation of a new republic which has become a part of the community of nations, partnering with the world community to build a better future.

Today, we pause with them and with Armenians everywhere to remember the awful events of 1915 with deep admiration for their contributions which transcend this dark past and give us hope for the future.

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Fuck your cowardice for dealing with a country simply because they're conveinantly located in a military zone (Turkey) and for their oil. The Armenian Genocide was an international tragedy that deserves to be recognized and those 1.5 million lives lost need to be honored. This press release is an insult. I'm done. Regardless of your beliefs or nationality or anything, I implore you to research this topic and form an opinion on it and speak about it. Get the word out. 95 years is a LONG fucking time to NOT have a significant portion of your race being wiped out and not having it acknowledged.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

"Something 'bout those little pills, the thrills they yeild until they kill a million brain cells!"-La La Land


So read the following quote...

"Once you are an addict you will never not be an addict. You'll be an addict until the day you die. I think about it every single day. People who say they don't think about drugs anymore are dirty liars who are probably still using." -Kelly Osbourne


Soooo my initial reaction was one of annoyance. I've always found Kelly Osbourne to be a big douchelord anyway. She's always poppin off about one thing or another and I wish she'd just continue eating her life away so we didn't have to hear her speak. Then I re-read this quote and it angered me. Thus, this blog entry. Now TRUTHFULLY, what she's saying isn't anything new or ground breaking. In fact, this, I beleive, is the mentality you come across in AA meetings, Rehab clinics, etc, etc...which could be part of the reason why a lot of those things dont work for people. I'm sure their hearts are in the right place but brow beating someone with an alcohol/drug problem isn't a way to positively uplift people and start to make them feel great about themselves.

And naturally, what works for one person may very well NOT work for another, so if you're reading this and you think I'm an asshole, just keep that previous sentence in mind. I've seen a few loved ones go through some drug problems over the years, and I know that the above quoted fat ass had some drug problems herself.

I just think that people need support and love. You need to show them you care. Coddle them, help them find other avenues to channel their unhappiness, efforts and attention. Don't brow beat them and tell them shitty things like "even if you never use again you're still a drug addict til the day you die!". What a shitty, NEGATIVE thing to say!! Of course you're a drug addict if you use drugs regularly...but if you stop and you don't use anymore, you're not an addict 2 years down the road...10 years down the road...30 years down the road. You get my drift.

Now don't think I have a soft spot for druggies, here either. You've gotta WANT to turn your life around. and I understand the whole having an itch and wanting to scratch it thing. But there's much more to life than spending it in a haze. We all have our faults, no one is perfect, but drugs just amplify all that bullshit unecessarily.

So fuck what everyone else says. Fuck Kelly Osbourne, fuck AA. Make your own way and live the best life you can. There's always gonna be hills to climb, just grab on to the people close to you and truck it out! lol

Happily Never After...


Why don't people fight for relationships anymore?

Think about it. Think about your friends. Think about celebrity couples. DONT think of the movies, just real life shit. Now narrow those couples down to those who have been together more than 3 years. Did your pool suddenly get narrower? MINE DID! lol. A few "signs" I guess we'll call them have been put in my face lately and it's made me remember some things and evaluate some other things.

When things get hard, why do we run? Why don't people these days seem to have the same type of resolve that, say, my parents have? My parents have been married for 28 years. TWENTY EIGHT YEARS!! Can you imagine? The passion and effort it takes to love someone enough and want to be with them at least a majority of that time? Or is it just the times they grew up in where you didn't divorce? You stayed and you worked your differences out because you made a commitment to each other, good times and bad, for better or for worse. Today it seems as if once something gets tough, you leave it and move on to the next thing. No one wants to put effort into anything...and I'm talking friendships, relationships, cable companies...

I wont go into specifics but I can remember when my last relationship ended, how devestated I was and how badly I wanted to fix it...work on it...SOMETHING other than end it. I'm not saying EVERY relationship is worth toughing it out for, een I will admit that while I'm still sore about it my last relationship wasn't one that would've stood the test of time, but how do you decide when it's time to cut your losses and when you need to get your shovel out and start digging yourself out of the shit?

Sometimes I worry that I won't find that someone again that I want to fight for. I haven't made a new friend that I've felt totally in sync with since college (which I left about 3 years ago). I can't seem to figure out my niche in life these days because I don't see the point in making friends out of conveinance...and I certainly don't date just to date. To be 100% honest, my idea of the perfect day is sleeping in, reading a magazine with a cup of coffee and playing with my dog. I WAS NEVER LIKE THIS BEFORE! I just don't get it.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Saturday, April 10, 2010

"A piece of me you get for free but it's worthless if we don't have honesty" -Brandy in "Fear of Flying"

So lately in the media (or what I've been paying attention to, I guess) there's been lots of attention on cheating...I suppose this is how we know Usher released a new album :) I've seen some of the comments from the scorned (Tameka Raymonds tweets, anyone?) and then I saw something on VIBE's website from Chilli, and it inspired me. Yes, I realize this whole blog has an unintended Usher theme. lol.

Now let me first prefice this whole sha-bang by saying that I am no saint. I was quite the wild one in my younger years, I think to an extent that everyone is. I've cheated and I've been cheated on (more than once) and I've learned quite a bit from it. I can say with a lot of certainty that there isn't much in life that hurts more than being cheated on. It can break every little piece of self confidence you have, give you SO many unanswerable questions and leave you feeling jaded and bitter. Some people do it for the thrill, some people do it for revenge and some people just do it for no reason at all.

Now not giving a free pass to all the breeders out there, but I will say that I think cheating is FAR more prevalent in the gay community than anywhere else. For some reason, in gay male relationships it seems that monogamy is not a word that exists. One of the main reasons I have NEVER identified, and largely despise, the gay community is because of their blatent disregard for the value of monogamy. Most gay relationships that I've read about or seen in friends all seem to adopt these really weird ideals. Open relationships, which I think are for whores who are too afraid to admit they're whores, I think are a joke and insulting. If you feel like an open relationship is something you want to be in, you shouldn't be in any relationship at all. Sex is SO much more than fulfilling an "urge". Of course I'm cognisant (sp) of the fact that there's TONS of guys I find sexually attractive...but if I'm in a serious relationship, I would never compromise the history of us and the bond of us just to go bust my nut off.

This is largely my own personal opinion on the matter because I find that I'm a very open person. I like to communicate and when there is a problem, I like to address it and get it out of the way. I think cheating involves way too much crazy shit. You're hiding things, you're making time to do shit you have no business doing all the while still doing your regular activities. It creates drama and unrest and in the end, NO ONE feels better about anything. It destroys any and all sense of trust that over time two people build for each other. It's just better and ultimately easier to be honest.

The lesson to be learned? If you don't feel comfortable enough to speak on issues you feel are important or issues going on in your relationship, END IT! Walk away before you hurt someone.

PS-I was going to relay personal experiences in here but I'm trying to be as non-messy as possible. After all, I care about the people in my life and i wouldn't want to expose private matters without their permission :) See? I can be respectful AND honest at the same time. It's possible, people!

Check it right, you aint white!



That's right folks, it's real and IT'S IMPORTANT! I know that race and ethnic identity and what not can be a touchy subject for some people but recognizing our differences and being able to properly identify ourselves is important. I'll start off with a story. So I was in the doctors office earlier this week for a checkup (nothing serious) and I had to fill out a form just re-verifying my name, address, race and insurance information. Now since jr high, I have always identified myself as a person of Middle Eastern descent. Some forms give you the box to check off, most don't and you have to check the "Other" box and write in Middle Eastern. It's very annoying and as I've understood it, most Arab and Middle Eastern people don't bother to differentiate and just check the "Caucasian" or "White" box.

I can't tell you over the years how much flack Ive gotten for doing this. I didn't grow up with an overly cultural backround. In fact, I didn't even explore my Armenian heritage until I hit jr. high, when I lost my Grandfather. I can remember as a little kid always hearing him talk about Armenia and some of the customs and occassionaly speak the language but it never really interested me. Ive always wished that I paid MUCH more attention to him and could remember some of the things he would tell me. When he passed when I was in the 8th grade, I promised myself that I would explore the culture and learn more about the country and it's people, which is hard because it's a very small country and not a lot of people bother to write about it. I challenge you to go to your local library and look for books about Armenia. IF you can find any, I guarentee none of them will be published after the 60's. We're not a country full of oil or any particular useful exports, so most people don't pay us attention. But we're a country full of traditions and customs and the first people EVER to adopt Christianity as their religion (although I'm not sure that's worth bragging about, lol). We're also the final landing place of Noah's Arc. lol.

Back to my story. So I'm sitting in the Dr's office filling out this form and I get to the race section. There are FOUR (1,2,3,4!!) boxes for Latinos to check off (is that REALLY necessary?!), TWO for whites, one for Asians and one for Black/African Americans. And then the "other" box. lol. It annoyed me. I think it's sad that in the year 2010 we don't recognize the obvious (and maybe not so obvious) racial and cultural differences and have the respect enough to give the proper outlet for people to express these differences. On a larger scale, this relates to the 2010 Census form, which also does NOT include a box for people of Middle Eastern heritage. I know it may be a little late, as I think the Census is due to be mailed in by the 15th of this month (don't quote me on that) but it's important to get it out there so that if anyone (does anyone read this yet? lol) can spread the word, they do it! We should have our damn box on the next Census! lol.

I pay my taxes, I work hard, I vote and I obey the law...now give me my damn box.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Happy Easter!


Happy Easter to everyone and their families ;) I'm looking forward to a nice family-ish gathering at a restaurant my family has been going to for years. My sister and I were planning to attend a service at the Armenian Church of Our Savior but uh...well, we wont go there ;) lol. Im missing my Grandmother in particular this year. Before she passed, we always went over to her house and had Easter egg hunts and stuff. Dorothy Pachanian, I miss you! haha.

Hello and Welcome to...DURRTY LAUNDRAY!


Well well, it's my first Blog post.! Warning: I swear a lot and will not be censoring myself for any person, place or thing. Anything and everything is a target for my venemous wrath...just something to keep in mind yall :) Also, I'll be sure to spend the first few blog post discussing myself, my views, etc just so everyone can get an idea of what I stand for (and what I don't).

I'm Rubber, You're Glue. Whatever You Say Bounces Off Me And Sticks To You!

Has anyone been paying attention to that poor girl who was bullied who committed suicide in Hadley, MA? If not, Click Here

I feel so much for this child and I feel awful that she felt she had to go the way she did. I too was bullied in high school. My school also grossly mismanaged the situation and nothing was ever really done. Difference being, I was more than happy to take matters into my own hands and it made me hold my head higher. Granted, we were being picked on for different things (me for being gay) but I still dont think there is ever a situation in life where handing yours over to a bunch of bullies is worth it. What I'd like for us all to do is say a prayer for Phoebe's family and friends and REMEMBER THIS: It is fine to state your opinion and probably even human nature to poke a little bit of fun at something but it is NEVER ok to torment someone. If you feel the need to do so, you need to give your own ass a timeout and reflect upon what's bothering you so much in YOUR life that you need to take it out on others.