Relationships. We as a people put SO. MUCH. emphasis on relationships in life. Sometimes it makes me sad because it seems as if people don't value EVERYTHING else in life unless they have a boo. Now don't get it twisted: I definitely have my nights where I'd like nothing more than to lay my head on a nice, warm chest and feel some other mans arms down my back holding me close...and on those nights, I just pull my little Laqueesha tighter and drift back to sleep. Anyway...
Ya know how sometimes after a bad date or an unpleasant encounter, we tend to pop off about what's wrong with the OTHER person? That's easy. We can all point the finger and tell the next person what's wrong with them according to us...but how many of you can look in the mirror and point the finger at YOURSELF? I think that since I'm in my upper 20's (rapidly approaching 30, meeeeep!) Ive learned a few things, both about relationships and about myself and I have no problem pointing the finger at myself. Here a few things I can tell you about what's wrong with me...
1. I'm not so good outside of my comfort zone.
I'm really not. I hate surprises, I'm super awful with sugar coating things and I don't like fake pleasantries...which are 3 main components of dating. haha. I really do like things to be on my own terms. It gets considerably less severe the longer we get to know each other but from jump street I'm a real bitch to deal with. Most relationships (and this is both romantic and platonic) usually don't get very far into the honeymoon phase because of this. I'm set in my ways and I accept that.
2. I can't cook or drive.
I dont possess the patience or talent to be spending copious amounts of time slaving over a hot stove just to make a four star culinary fucking masterpiece. I'm a little selfish in the way that I'd rather spend my time doing other things. On the plus side, I'm a cleaner/organizer. I always tend to pick very messy, unorganized men for mates who enjoy cooking, so so far this hasn't held me back much in the dating world but I know that eventually it will. Every man wants to come home to a man that cooks. I'm so not that man. haha. As far as driving, it's never going to happen. I get distracted easy, I focus too much on not hitting other cars that I don't see stop signs and red lights. You can't talk to me if I'm driving. All the windows must be open regardless of weather and/or temperature. The radio cannot be above a whisper. I sweat and I get bitchy. And above all else, I am not legally registered to operate a motor vehicle in any of the 50 states of the continental United States of America and I firmly intend for it to stay that way until my passing. Accept it and move on upon meeting me.
3. I over-communicate...
Whenever a problem arises, I'm always the first to address it. I can be a bit of a nag. I'm always afraid that I'm not being heard/understood so I always make it a point to emphasize myself...redundantly...in an in-your-face sort of manner. I can be a little bossy because I tend to think my way is the best way.
4. ...but I hate talking on the phone.
I absolutely loathe talking on the phone. It's the most pointless thing in the world to me. I cant do other shit that I wanna do if I'm stuck holding a phone to my ear while you're on the other end yapping off about this, that and the third. I like to multi-task throughout my day and talking on the phone just slows me down. If it's important, feel free to call otherwise just send a text. I'm a HUGE texter. I can be cleaning the bathroom, singing a song and texting to 5 different people all at once and I wouldn't have it any other way.
5. I demand too much from people.
I demand too much from people. I expect people to always be upfront and honest with me and unfortunately that isn't how most people operate. It usually leaves me feeling let down and disrespected yet it's something I refuse to change about myself or work on. I expect people to treat me the way that I treat them. So if I'm out at a bar and I'm giving you special looks cuz I deem your behavior to be unecessary or extra, feel free to throw shade right back at me. I don't expect everyone to get along in life and it always annoys me when people DO expect that. I am an adult, however, and can respectfully wish for your vaporization from across the room without being classless and egregious.
6. I enjoy spending time with MYSELF.
I can be very selfish when it comes to how I spend my free time. I have my own set of interests. I dont have a ton of friends that I would want to spend a whole day with, so when I DO find one, I go all out...but it's so rare. I'd much rather be in bed reading or watching a movie on the couch than be in someone's club. I like to explore and not have to worry about the other person being as entertained as I am. Conversely, when I'm done with something I like to have the freedom to leave.
and probably the most important reason of all...
7. I'm not where I want to be/haven't figured out my lifes blueprint.
I have ridiculous amounts of debt. I work in a field I love but am not far enough up the ladder or payscale that I would like. I'm struggling with weight issues. I have an unconventional living situation. I have severe emotional baggage. All of these things GREATLY contribute to being in a healthy, functional, monogamous long term relationship. To further complicate things, I honestly don't know where I stand on marriage. I once thought I would be a perfect fit for marital bliss. After three failed, long term serious relationships and evalutating things, I'm not so sure it's for me anymore. I'm very guarded and I dont think I can see me giving 100% of myself to someone seriously enough to consider spending the rest of my life with them. People rush into things so quickly and give the lead to their emotions, myself included, and I'd rather hold out and go at a snails pace. It's hard to always stick to that standard and sometimes I settle. Until I figure out how to stay steadfast to that principle, it's probably best for me to avoid LTRs for the time being.
and now, I implore you to listen to the song below.
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