Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Happier Than I've Ever Been

Soooo... I'm happy.  ::looks meekishly around::  Weird, right?

I turned 30, got a big promotion, moved out into my own apartment by myself, lost some weight and have been on a few awesome dates with this great guy.  I kind of feel like tons of emotional baggage disappeared once I moved out and away from Billy.  I didn't even realize how much that situation was holding me back.  I've grown socially leaps and bounds and I just FEEL better about myself!  I'm not worried about embarrassing anyone or trying to figure out what mental state and mood anyone is in.  I don't feel uncomfortable in my own home.  Now I won't lie and say that I don't miss our friendship, because I really do, but I think it was a little... unhealthy.  Who knows, maybe one day we'll meet up and be friends again but maybe our radio silence is a good thing.  I really hope that we can be friends.  I definitely acknowledge my part in what I believe is one of the reasons we aren't speaking and I do owe him an apology for that but I think he definitely owes me an apology and an explanation.  It's always the WHYS of things that keep me hanging out.

I don't understand WHY we aren't speaking, which is what has been bothering me, but I'm so tired of always trying to play psychic with him.  If you, as a grown man, can't communicate your feelings and have to resort to passive aggressive, juvenile behavior, that's a reflection of YOU and not ME. and it took me suuuuuch a long time to understand that.  I'm not angry at him and I definitely wish him the best but I'm SO happy to FINALLY be doing me.

I spent last week in San Francisco getting some job training but MOST IMPORTANTLY, I got to see Nathan!!!!  I"VE MISSED HIM SO MUCH and we had such a freakin blast while I was there.  It was really refreshing.  I did miss Laqueesha a lot while I was out there so i was SUPER happy when my Mom brought her home early when I got back.  We had an awesome day shopping together afterwards. Then tonight I had my 3rd date with... him ;)  It's seriously been SO LONG since I've met someone I actually wanted to go on 3 dates with. lol.

I know bumps in the road are gonna be coming soon but right now I'm just happy to be feeling at peace and breathing in the fresh air with the sun shining.  :)  It's long overdue.