Saturday, May 26, 2012

I'm a bad gay...

The more I read/see/hear about gay culture, the more I'm convinced that I'm clearly a malfunctioning homosexual.  I've always had a knack for zigging when others zag.  Sometimes I even do it on purpose.  But really I'm just fed up.  I was just watching "Beginners" the story of a man who's father comes out at the age of 75 after his wife dies.  I was expecting something interesting, something different...dare I say, something positive.  Maybe it got there eventually but I shut it off before it was over because it pissed me off.  Not even in a movie about a 75 year old man coming out can we have a representation of homosexuality that doesn't include promiscuity and "open relationships".  Now some may regard it as natural and a lot of people I consider friends don't have a problem with this notion of "open relationships".  I, however, don't find it particularly "avant garde" and am thoroughly disgusted with the thought.  I would never and will never accept this as normal.  It's a lazy persons way of accepting cheating.  If you can't be bothered to commit yourself to a monogamous relationship, then what on EARTH COULD YOU POSSIBLY OFFER ME?!  Monogamy is saying that while you can acknowledge that there are millions of other attractive people in the world that under single circumstances you'd sleep with, you love and respect me enough to not do so.  You're offering yourself and commitment and respecting our bond and my personal health and emotional well-being enough to keep your dick in your pants and be with only me.  There is absolutely NO challenge in having an "open relationship".  You're bringing nothing to the table.  You're inviting drama, STDS, jealousy and abandonment issues to run amuk, however.  If this is where my people are taking me, then PLEASE leave me the fuck behind.

But I'm really tired of people looking down on me because I don't want to be a 30 year old shaking my ass in the club every weekend and daring to offer commitment and truth to my suitors.  I will NEVER apologize for demanding the same amount of respect that I give.  I'm also tired of people saying they want to be "friends" and the next thing I know, I've got 3 sexts in my inbox all out of nowhere.  ATTENTION GAY MEN : FRIENDS DO NOT SLEEP WITH FRIENDS. THOSE ARE CALLED FUCK BUDDIES.  WHEN I WANT ONE, I"LL BE VERY UPFRONT ABOUT THAT.

I feel like I have to get all of this out since Pride is right around the corner.  No, I won't be participating in any of those awful events.  To me, it's sad that the one day a year the gays get the most press is the same day that my people ride public transportation in chains, whips and assless chaps...or duct tape their titties and chain smoke as if it's all in a days work...or are 40 years old shaking their flat ass in a pair of speedos on top of a float with awful house music blaring out of a set of speakers...or are morbidly obese dressed as a woman in an outfit that not even a real woman would wear...or even just the simple regular looking joe handing out condom packets to people.  Is there anything more belittling that being handed a condom packet?  Listen, if you're not smart enough to wrap your dick up before you stick it inside someone, or dont demand that someone wear one before they stick themselves inside of you, then you deserve every disease you get.  For every action, there is a consequence.  If you aren't ready for those consequences, change your actions.  It's very simple.  What the world needs is more self control and self respect, not more excuses for poor behavior.

5 comments:

  1. Open relationships aren't really relationships at all. Not too long ago I read something about about how more Gays/Lesbians are "committing" themselves to someone with marriage ceremonies and whatnot...but to have an open relationship. Sorry. NOT wasting my time or money on a some big ceremony for you to go down on someone other than myself. Just saying. It's ridiculous. I understand some want to spice things up and invite someone in, but to make that a way of life? I don't know about that.

    Oh, and you're Pride thing was ON point! So true.

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    1. Can you move to Boston so we can be best friends? Please? LOL

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  3. Boo...why didnt I know about your blog before now?!

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